Views, Frustrations, and Love!!

It's interesting as a foster parent how different our perspective is on the goings on of certain issues pertaining to the children of our world. This experience has certainly given us a chance to help improve the lives of the children in our home and the added bonus is that we also get to take on all the issues that their previous environment has given them. While for some of them, the issues have been minor in comparison to others, it is mind numbingly hard to deal with all the long term problems that take so much out of you and the person you are, that at times it seems it is in vain and you lose sight of your purpose. Now, I realize that I signed up for this in the hopes that my family would come about through this process, it was also initially a huge let down to not have the 'perfect' family and the ideal family I had always envisioned having. That being said, it is worth all the crap we have to go through because we KNOW that these kids are meant to be with our family forever and that is the reason we go through all that we have and are going through.

The interesting thing is now trying to look at it from an outsiders perspective. I thought everyone would feel like we are doing a good thing and we are being fine upstanding citizens of our community that open our lives and home and take on this HUGE responsibility. But it is painfully obvious that even people the closest to me, who should know better, sometimes don't see it that way. Some feel we are in it for the money, and to that I say, "Ha, ha, ha!!! I would love to see anyone raise a child and actually have a small fraction of the expenses fit within what we are 'paid'." First of all, we didn't know we were 'paid' for being foster parents when we signed up. We honestly and truly just wanted to have kids in our home and even if they didn't stay forever, to know we helped where and when we were needed. We are fortunate that the kids we have in our home currently, were only our second placement and we going to be able to adopt them. Normally people have to go through years of heart ache and several placements to be where we are. The payment we value is seeing the difference we are making in these kid's lives.

Another thing that has recently been voiced, is the thought that we are 'taking' the children away from their parents and how unfair and painful that is for the parents. While I truly and honestly feel sorry for them because I can't imagine having my children taken from me and how painful it would be, I disagree that is unfair. For those parents who have children come into the system and work hard, and and make life changes, those are parents who deserve to have their children returned to them and celebrate their love and commitment to their children. On the other hand, there are those who lack the ability, whether mentally or physically, to take care of and provide a safe and loving environment for their children. Unfortunately, this is the most common situation that is encountered.

I am very passionate about taking care of children in need and I guess it really gets me going when people see the unfairness for the parents who aren't deserving of these wonderful children. I know I am far from perfect, but I try to do the best I can. Please everyone, realize the what the majority of the foster parents are in it for, the children. I know there are some who are in it for the money and I don't know how they can. It's not a lot of money...honestly!!

I am so grateful for the support that I have in the friends and family that understand what we are trying to do and love us for it. It is hard, and I know there are some who say they could never do it. It takes a certain tolerance and there are some times that even I am lacking.

I do feel sorry for the family of our beautiful children that we have in our custody. Despite repeated attempts to help them correct their behavior and lifestyle, they are not willing to leave all people and places behind, and are so entrenched in it, that even with the help they have received, they can't see their way out. It is sad, but in the end, it is what ended up building our family and I am grateful for that.

The first moment that I saw R, I recognized him and I knew I had never seen him before and I felt very strongly that these children were meant to be a part of our family. It is not easy, it is so hard most days that I wonder if we made the right decision, but in the end and when the turmoil of the moment is over, we see the clear path for us and understand where the doubt is coming from.

Thank you for listening to my random rantings and feelings. I love you all for loving me for who I am, and what my potential is.